White Lies (one-shot)
Apr. 21st, 2010 10:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
awesomechick15title: White Lies
author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
awesomechick15
pairing: Akanishi Jin/Kamenashi Kazuya
rating: PG-13
genre: angst
disclaimer: I don't own Akanishi Jin or Kamenashi Kazuya.
summary: There is nothing, nothing to save, nothing to miss.
warnings: implied sex
As you fuck, you get to think lots of things. Things you never really wanted to think about and things you never thought he even would think about. But, nonetheless, you think.
Jin has told you to cut it more than once.
'You're thinking again', he says, all over again, eyes deep but covered with an extra surface you don't seem to be able to pass. And you don't answer him. You never do. You just smile that fake smile of yours, all tired and worn out but lively and encouraging at the same time, kissing him to make him silent. It works. It always works. After all, it's a fact Jin doesn't care for you. All that matters to him is sex and fame. And you're just the same, no better. Maybe that's why you two work so well together on some twisted way, even with your flaws, mishaps and differences.
There's one thing that's been really bothering you lately. It comes back to you, bugs you like an annoying fly you just can't kill off. It stays there, day and night, never really goes away.
It's memories, mostly. Memories and questions. As Jin gazes you with lust-filled, dark eyes and then lowers his head, circling your length with his tongue, you get a sudden flashback. A déjà vu. Suddenly Jin's features change; he's multiple years younger, hair shorter and blonder. There's a spark in his eyes, you know it, even if you can't see them. His smile is wide and open, his expressions tell everything he thinks and what he desires. He loves and hates, he still feels the emotions they later took away from him. And then you feel like crying, not because Jin's tongue in the reality is oh, so good but because it's only a sign of what he has become. What you have become.
Nowadays looking at Jin is like looking at a blank wall. He shows you the cold shoulder, and you only meet for work and sex. Your relationship isn't special, it has no tenderness or affection in it. There's not enough emotions to even battle of dominance in anything anymore. You're just two skeletons who move and look pretty when they're told. Emotions, own thoughts – they're just a dream far ahead of you. You're little marionettes, under someone else's commands. You both fought against it when you were young, but then he was gone and you couldn't do it anymore. Now you're too tired to do anything about it. Days melt into each other, become one, long, tiring line of conversations, TV shows, rehearsals, concerts, shootings, meetings and white lies.
Because that's what you are made of. White lies. Sometimes they're other color too, red ones are the worst, they bite you and eat you, but your true spirits lay in white ones. Every time you talk, they come out. Sometimes, when there's cameras and people watching, eating you up alive, breathing in your mouth and eyes you have to force out a smile, a joke. Something to tell them you both are still alive. That's a lie too, you to yourself as Jin moans around his cock, needy and wanting.
You're angry at him, a little bit. Because he stopped trying and let his soul be taken away, just like that. He abandoned you and made everything your fault. That's the reason you tug his hair sharper than you really meant to, pull him on your lap and let him get what he wants. As you sink in Jin, pleasure tries to take over, but you're too busy reminiscing his face.
Because during sex, Jin is more real than anywhere else, any situation else. He forgets his lines and walls, the fact he's supposed to not give a damn of what others think. That's the real Jin, and it hurts. But it doesn't hurt, not nearly as much as the realization you get when Jin moans in ecstasy.
You don't care. There really is nothing, nothing to save, nothing to miss.
The spirit between you is gone. Just like his soul.
a/n: I was feeling angsty and writing-y, but that just doesn't fit in happy roommate!akame, so this came up.
author:
awesomechick15 pairing: Akanishi Jin/Kamenashi Kazuya
rating: PG-13
genre: angst
disclaimer: I don't own Akanishi Jin or Kamenashi Kazuya.
summary: There is nothing, nothing to save, nothing to miss.
warnings: implied sex
As you fuck, you get to think lots of things. Things you never really wanted to think about and things you never thought he even would think about. But, nonetheless, you think.
Jin has told you to cut it more than once.
'You're thinking again', he says, all over again, eyes deep but covered with an extra surface you don't seem to be able to pass. And you don't answer him. You never do. You just smile that fake smile of yours, all tired and worn out but lively and encouraging at the same time, kissing him to make him silent. It works. It always works. After all, it's a fact Jin doesn't care for you. All that matters to him is sex and fame. And you're just the same, no better. Maybe that's why you two work so well together on some twisted way, even with your flaws, mishaps and differences.
There's one thing that's been really bothering you lately. It comes back to you, bugs you like an annoying fly you just can't kill off. It stays there, day and night, never really goes away.
It's memories, mostly. Memories and questions. As Jin gazes you with lust-filled, dark eyes and then lowers his head, circling your length with his tongue, you get a sudden flashback. A déjà vu. Suddenly Jin's features change; he's multiple years younger, hair shorter and blonder. There's a spark in his eyes, you know it, even if you can't see them. His smile is wide and open, his expressions tell everything he thinks and what he desires. He loves and hates, he still feels the emotions they later took away from him. And then you feel like crying, not because Jin's tongue in the reality is oh, so good but because it's only a sign of what he has become. What you have become.
Nowadays looking at Jin is like looking at a blank wall. He shows you the cold shoulder, and you only meet for work and sex. Your relationship isn't special, it has no tenderness or affection in it. There's not enough emotions to even battle of dominance in anything anymore. You're just two skeletons who move and look pretty when they're told. Emotions, own thoughts – they're just a dream far ahead of you. You're little marionettes, under someone else's commands. You both fought against it when you were young, but then he was gone and you couldn't do it anymore. Now you're too tired to do anything about it. Days melt into each other, become one, long, tiring line of conversations, TV shows, rehearsals, concerts, shootings, meetings and white lies.
Because that's what you are made of. White lies. Sometimes they're other color too, red ones are the worst, they bite you and eat you, but your true spirits lay in white ones. Every time you talk, they come out. Sometimes, when there's cameras and people watching, eating you up alive, breathing in your mouth and eyes you have to force out a smile, a joke. Something to tell them you both are still alive. That's a lie too, you to yourself as Jin moans around his cock, needy and wanting.
You're angry at him, a little bit. Because he stopped trying and let his soul be taken away, just like that. He abandoned you and made everything your fault. That's the reason you tug his hair sharper than you really meant to, pull him on your lap and let him get what he wants. As you sink in Jin, pleasure tries to take over, but you're too busy reminiscing his face.
Because during sex, Jin is more real than anywhere else, any situation else. He forgets his lines and walls, the fact he's supposed to not give a damn of what others think. That's the real Jin, and it hurts. But it doesn't hurt, not nearly as much as the realization you get when Jin moans in ecstasy.
You don't care. There really is nothing, nothing to save, nothing to miss.
The spirit between you is gone. Just like his soul.
a/n: I was feeling angsty and writing-y, but that just doesn't fit in happy roommate!akame, so this came up.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-04-21 08:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-22 04:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-21 09:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-22 05:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-21 10:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-22 05:00 am (UTC)White Lies (one-shot)
Date: 2010-04-21 10:47 pm (UTC)Re: White Lies (one-shot)
Date: 2010-04-22 05:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-22 05:02 am (UTC)i'll work hard.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-22 02:12 am (UTC)i just wish that they're still together
no subject
Date: 2010-04-22 05:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-22 06:21 pm (UTC)This part is...I don't know...it gives me hurtful feelings T.T
how is your happy roommate!akame universe? when will you release it? *pouts*