Dream Limits (drabble)
Sep. 5th, 2010 05:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
awesomechick15title: Dream Limits
author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
awesomechick15
pairing: Akanishi Jin/Kamenashi Kazuya
rating: G
genre: angst-ish
disclaimer: I don't own Akanishi Jin or Kamenashi Kazuya.
warnings: -
summary: These words keep you alive.
A/N: What the hell, I don't know.
The realization takes you too long. It rakes long nails across your back, whispers secrets you never wanted to know in your ears, pulls your hair and strangles you with strong fingers when you try to make it disappear. When you finally accept it in your conscious, welcome it home, it's already too late. Time has made it cold and powerful, it hits you like a wave, pushes you into ocean.
You need lies.
They let you hide from reality, and even though you don't fully believe them yourself, they give you comfort. For a moment, you always fall in your own trap and are foolish enough to think everything really is going to be alright. Coming back to your senses hurts as much every time, like having your wings suddenly cut off and crashing the ground with speed and force, bruising, breaking, bleeding. It sounds masochistic to say it's worth it, but you don't enjoy pain any more than anyone else.
Being near Kame both hurts you and heals you. You press yourself against him, so close that the smoke he breathes out from his lungs invades your own. You don't mind. Kame doesn't look at you – in fact, he almost acts like you weren't there. He looks apathetic, taking slow drags out of his cigarette, gaze directed nowhere, eyes glassy and forgetful. You feel disgusting and pitiful, clinging to him like that, but you can't help yourself. You need this, you need Kame.
”Hey,” you whisper quietly, knowing that he can hear you. Yes, you can tell from the way the corner of his mouth quirks and his neck tenses. You press your forehead against his temple, lowering your lips to his ear. ”It's not the end. I'm coming back.”
”Yeah,” he murmurs, turning his head and facing you. He's so close your lips almost brush together, but neither one of you never initiates the kiss.
”It's just Los Angeles,” you continue, ”we've been in this situation before. We can handle it.”
”We can,” Kame admits.
The saddest part of it all is, you both know you're lying. You don't believe your words even yourselves, but it doesn't mean you don't want to. These words keep you alive. Lies are not always bad, they don't necessarily mean cruel and bad people and meaningless moments. Lies protect you, give you the reason not to break down quite yet.
”I'll be back,” you tell him. ”I'll be back, and then we'll be KAT-TUN again. We'll be together again, and he can't do anything to break us apart.”
”The six of us,” Kame emphasizes, and you nod.
”I won't leave you.”
A few months later your last lie sounds so painfully ironical it makes you laugh. You can feel your wings burn as Japan and all the dreams, smiles and touches from past years fade behind you.
author:
awesomechick15 pairing: Akanishi Jin/Kamenashi Kazuya
rating: G
genre: angst-ish
disclaimer: I don't own Akanishi Jin or Kamenashi Kazuya.
warnings: -
summary: These words keep you alive.
A/N: What the hell, I don't know.
The realization takes you too long. It rakes long nails across your back, whispers secrets you never wanted to know in your ears, pulls your hair and strangles you with strong fingers when you try to make it disappear. When you finally accept it in your conscious, welcome it home, it's already too late. Time has made it cold and powerful, it hits you like a wave, pushes you into ocean.
You need lies.
They let you hide from reality, and even though you don't fully believe them yourself, they give you comfort. For a moment, you always fall in your own trap and are foolish enough to think everything really is going to be alright. Coming back to your senses hurts as much every time, like having your wings suddenly cut off and crashing the ground with speed and force, bruising, breaking, bleeding. It sounds masochistic to say it's worth it, but you don't enjoy pain any more than anyone else.
Being near Kame both hurts you and heals you. You press yourself against him, so close that the smoke he breathes out from his lungs invades your own. You don't mind. Kame doesn't look at you – in fact, he almost acts like you weren't there. He looks apathetic, taking slow drags out of his cigarette, gaze directed nowhere, eyes glassy and forgetful. You feel disgusting and pitiful, clinging to him like that, but you can't help yourself. You need this, you need Kame.
”Hey,” you whisper quietly, knowing that he can hear you. Yes, you can tell from the way the corner of his mouth quirks and his neck tenses. You press your forehead against his temple, lowering your lips to his ear. ”It's not the end. I'm coming back.”
”Yeah,” he murmurs, turning his head and facing you. He's so close your lips almost brush together, but neither one of you never initiates the kiss.
”It's just Los Angeles,” you continue, ”we've been in this situation before. We can handle it.”
”We can,” Kame admits.
The saddest part of it all is, you both know you're lying. You don't believe your words even yourselves, but it doesn't mean you don't want to. These words keep you alive. Lies are not always bad, they don't necessarily mean cruel and bad people and meaningless moments. Lies protect you, give you the reason not to break down quite yet.
”I'll be back,” you tell him. ”I'll be back, and then we'll be KAT-TUN again. We'll be together again, and he can't do anything to break us apart.”
”The six of us,” Kame emphasizes, and you nod.
”I won't leave you.”
A few months later your last lie sounds so painfully ironical it makes you laugh. You can feel your wings burn as Japan and all the dreams, smiles and touches from past years fade behind you.
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no subject
Date: 2010-09-05 05:23 pm (UTC)Thanks for this one, thanks a bunch!
no subject
Date: 2010-09-17 07:19 pm (UTC)sometimes writing something shorter and darker is enjoyable. and you're so nice :3 thank you darling!
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Date: 2010-09-17 10:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-09-18 07:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-09-05 06:36 pm (UTC)It was really well written,it totally showed the emotions they both had...thanks for sharing it^^
no subject
Date: 2010-09-17 07:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-09-05 10:45 pm (UTC)thanx for sharing...
no subject
Date: 2010-09-17 07:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-09-06 11:38 pm (UTC)XD
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Date: 2010-09-17 07:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-09-07 08:02 am (UTC)that hurts.
no subject
Date: 2010-09-17 07:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-09-08 05:53 am (UTC)my heart was hurt me so much...
it's like you are been inside they heads
love it so much
thanks for sharing
no subject
Date: 2010-09-17 07:21 pm (UTC)thank you ♥